The first years of motherhood are a shit show. We ALL struggle. Then, slowly you’ll feel like you’ve actually got your head above water. Some moms even seem to be killing it at this whole motherhood thing. They seem to float above it all while the rest of us are practically drowning. Why? What do those rockstar moms know that you don’t? What’s their secret?
Confident moms have uncovered something that most of us struggle with for a long time.
Motherhood can beat you down if you’re not careful, but there are 3 Secrets of Confident Moms that can make you an invincible bad ass in the mommy world.
Are You Tired of Feeling Like A Terrible Mom?
Week 4 after my first son’s birth almost broke me. Actually, in hindsight, I think it did break me. I had never felt that type of sleep deprivation, nipple pain, and just general fish-out-of-water feeling ever before. I was a HOT MESS.
But, I was trying SO hard. I just remember thinking, “This can’t be right. I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I’m doing everything wrong…” But, I soon learned that I was wrong. I was doing (almost:) everything right. I realized that this IS MOTHERHOOD. It’s no cake-walk. Motherhood is just straight-up HARD.
I had the “AH-HA” moment I was waiting for. I gave myself some grace, and I let go of all the preconceived notions I had about what motherhood would or should look like. Looking back, I think that was my first baby-step as a confident mama.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re not enough, comparing yourself to others, or just trapped in the mom guilt bubble, then let me clear things up for you. You can be a confident mom that isn’t drowning in guilt if you just heed these 3 Secrets of Confident Moms.
It’s not magic. But, it feels like it!
Confident Moms Have Realistic Expectations of Motherhood
If you think you can do it ALL, let me save you the suspense…you can’t. Stop trying to be superwoman and start being YOU.
Being that working mom logging billable hours AND also being there for every pick up at 5–it’s just NOT going to happen. You aren’t supposed to be able to stay up all night with your nursing newborn AND keep a spotless house. That’s crazy talk.
If the mantra in your head is “I can do it all,” or (even worse) “I should be able to do it all,” then sister, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Failure breeds shame, and shame makes you lose confidence in yourself and your choices.
Let go of trying to do it all, and be okay with it.
Confident Moms Have Lives Outside of Motherhood
Your confidence as a human is wrapped up in purpose, passion, and goals. This doesn’t have to involve a career, but for most of us it will. Dropping your old career full-stop or letting go of pursuing your passions because of motherhood will leave a hole in your world. And your confidence in yourself may start to plummet.
That’s just reality. There’s nothing wrong with you for noticing the hole or feeling the need to fill it with something new.
If you pretend that the hole isn’t there, then you’re putting a lot of pressure on motherhood satisfying your entire being. AND, it likely won’t fill the hole. Welcome, the shame spiral. Then, you’ll start feeling like a terrible mother because being a mom isn’t enough to fill your days.
But, it shouldn’t be enough. Not forever anyway. You’ve got dreams, passions, goals, and needs that don’t have anything to do with your children. Confident mothers allow room for ALL of who they are, not just the mom part.
Confident Moms Don’t Strive for Perfection
There is no such thing as perfection. If you’re getting caught up in how well you’re stacking up next to the other moms you know (or see on social media), then you’re going to feel like crap. If you’re showing up for your babies, and you’re trying to do your level best, then guess what?
You are enough. Imperfections and all, you are enough.
Let that fact alone raise you up. You may not make homemade cookies, but you may sing one mean lullaby. And, okay, so you don’t take pics of your baby every month with the cutesy “I’m 3 months today!” Etsy placards. But you are a relentless nursing mama whose nipples feel like they’re being tortured. That’s A LOT!
You’re showing up with love, and that’s enough. You may not be perfect, but you sure as hell are enough. And, that’s all you need to be: ENOUGH. Not perfect!
So, let that shit go. Hold your head up, and be proud of the mother you’re becoming today.
Confidence is Contagious
Confidence is a tricky thing in motherhood. It can be elusive some days and abundant on others. The trick is to never forget that you’re not supposed to be able to do it all. That’s a myth.
And, you’re not supposed to be perfect. Your imperfection is real, beautiful, and ENOUGH. It’s also time to start making room for YOU in your life again.
So, mama, be confident. Be real, be you, and embrace it. If you do, then others will, too, and that’s what we need right now more than anything. You’ve got this!