About two years ago I started going to therapy. One of the first questions my therapist asked was, “What do you do for fun?” Simple question really. But, I didn’t have an answer. Then, it dawned on me: This is why moms aren’t fun! We do a SHIT job at making time for fun (our OWN fun).
When my therapist asked, “What do you do for fun?” here’s how I struggled to answer…sound familiar?
ME: “Well, I guess the kids are in sports, we hit up the parks and trails, we bake cookies and go to the beach occasionally.”
THERAPIST: “No. What do YOU do for fun.”
ME: “Watch Netflix and snuggle with my husband? Sushi and a movie?”
THERAPIST: “No…Is there anything you do by yourself, for yourself?”
ME: “Well, I guess the honest answer is no—I really don’t do anything by myself, and I can’t think of anything I do for myself. I’m doing good if I shower once a week uninterrupted.”
That’s when I knew I’d be back. Clearly, I needed some help recalibrating my priorities.
If you’re not doing anything BY yourself that’s FOR yourself, then it’s time to think about how to get back on that horse again.
Back in the Day
Things I used to do (back when I was fun): girls only trips; hot yoga classes; MY music pumping through the house; spending countless hours perusing, buying, and reading aimlessly through cookbooks. Hell, I even used to knit!
I used to do so many things that were just for me—things I enjoyed.
Perhaps it happened so slowly that I didn’t realize how I completely stopped doing ANYTHING for myself. But, when I really stopped to think about this painfully obvious fact about my life, a lightbulb finally went off.
Moment of Truth
Life happens, and it just keeps happening. Soon, maybe the only thing you’re “doing” for yourself is ordering dinner and cracking open a bottle of wine.
While that’s totally something I can get behind, that’s not exactly what I mean.
That’s not having fun.
My therapist gave me an assignment that day.
- Step #1: Make a list of the things that I used to enjoy doing and a list of things that I want to try.
- Step #2: Make time each week to do one of those things.
Obviously, it made total sense—I mean, it’s such a simple thing. Make time to do fun stuff. Jesus, even dogs play with balls for no other reason than because it’s fun. So, I made my list…
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t do anything fun anymore because I SUCK at making any time for myself. This is WHY moms aren’t fun. We just suck at this part.
Sad Truth: I had to figure out how to fit myself back into my own life.
This wasn’t easy then, and it’s not always easy now. But, sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand, and buck the system.
I mean, come on ladies—will the world fall apart if you give yourself a few hours of peace and quiet? No. But, because we’ve made ourselves so indispensable, there’s gonna be some pushback.
Time isn’t going to make itself…
Back before life got so middle aged and “lifey,” I used to BE fun because I used to HAVE fun.
I challenge you to make your own list of things that you used to enjoy doing and a list of all the things you want to try. Then, I further challenge you to MAKE TIME this week to do one of the things on your list.
Come on, you DO deserve it! You deserve more than pizza and wine.
You deserve to carve out space in your life for YOU. Your new mantra: “I need to HAVE fun to BE fun.” Let the recalibrating BEGIN!